How a Single Mom Can Recognize and Deal with Toxic Friends

Have you ever felt drained after talking to a friend? Or maybe you have a best friend that is always involved in drama, and you always seem to get dragged into it. If you feel this way pretty often around your friends, then there is a good chance that your friend is toxic. Being around toxic people can quickly drain your energy and steal your peace, especially when you are a single mom. 

When you’re a single mom, there are already challenges that you may be trying to face, like balancing your work life, taking your kids to activities, co-parenting with a toxic ex, or dealing with your own emotional load. Adding a toxic friend to that can add a lot more stress than is necessary. 

I get it. Your best friend may be the godmother to one of your children, or they may be someone that you have been friends with since elementary school, but if they are causing a lot of drama or costing you your peace, is it worth keeping the friendship? 

In this blog post, we will talk about how to recognize a toxic friend and how to cut them out of your life. 

As a single mom, if you don’t have a “village” to lean on, this could impact your mental health and possibly your parenting style. In fact, studies have shown that single mothers experience higher chronic stress and psychological distress, mainly because of reduced social support and financial hardship.

Other factors like parenting pressure and being dependent on a smaller support circle may cause toxic friendships to hit harder as a single mother.

Recognizing a toxic friend is the first step towards change.

I briefly mentioned this one earlier. If you feel drained after every interaction with your friend, there’s a good chance that your friend is toxic. Feeling mentally exhausted around them just adds another layer of stress. Notice the conversations that you have around them. Does the conversation always revolve around them? When you express your feelings in a situation, do they turn it around and talk about themselves? This can be something to pay attention to. 

Friends are supposed to be people that you can lean on in hard times and offer support to you during these times, but if you have a friend that lacks support or empathy, you may have to start questioning your friendship with this person. Do they dismiss your struggles as a single mom? Do they try to compete with you instead of offering support? Here’s a big one: Do they seem to back off a little bit when things are going good in your life and stay around when bad things are happening? Jealousy is a real thing, and sometimes it can hide as support. 

Boundaries are set for a reason. They are invisible lines that you draw that teach other people how to treat you. Toxic friends tend to ignore these lines. What are some things that your friend may do that crosses your boundary? Toxic friends tend to expect you to drop everything for them. They may also call or text excessively no matter the time of day. A big one is judging you for your parenting choices or making jokes at your expense. 

No matter how positive you are trying to be, these people are always negative. They always have a problem, they are always gossiping, and there are always complaints. It’s like you can’t satisfy these people. If you help them with one of their problems, they have a new one, and that never takes the advice given. 

They may try to manipulate, control, or criticize you. 

Be careful with this because these people will drag you into bad situations that you could never have imagined. 

The first thing is to understand what you need from your friend. Is it that you want respect? Do you want your friend to stop calling you at whatever time of the day? Whatever it is, write down the behaviors that you will no longer tolerate. 

Here are some examples of healthy boundaries:

• Turning off notifications during personal time
• Not engaging in arguments or yelling
• Refusing to accept jokes at your expense
• Avoiding negative or draining conversations
• Choosing environments that feel peaceful
• Splitting costs instead of covering others
• Not lending out money 
• Not allowing others to interfere with your parenting decisions

People only treat you how you allow them to. 

If you aren’t ready to cut them off completely, then consider distancing yourself slowly. You can start by limiting calls, texts, and visits with your friend. Or maybe you can not have them around your kids. Another option can be to not share any more personal information with them, especially your goals. Toxic people love to come for people’s goals. 

These tips can also work if you have toxic family members as well. 

I would be super careful with this one because toxic people typically don’t like to communicate; they love to argue. One thing that I found that worked for me was telling them if they can’t be respectful, then you can communicate with them at another time. I would try to be as calm, direct, and businesslike as possible. 

Here are some statements that might help:

• “I don’t appreciate being criticized about my parenting decisions.”
• “If we’re going to continue being friends, I need our conversations to stay respectful.”
• “…I can’t engage in constant negativity or drama.”
• “I’m happy to talk when we focus on positive topics or support each other.”
• “Let’s plan a time that works for both of us instead.”

There are going to be mixed feelings afterwards. Maybe you are asking yourself if you did the right thing, or maybe your friend is giving you a lot of pushback. Whatever it is, practice self-compassion and weigh the pros and cons of keeping this friend in your life and your kids’ lives. 

I always advocate for being around people who are positive and supportive. Seeking out people like this makes you feel good about yourself and can help change the direction of your life. You can join Facebook groups, local parenting groups, and attend networking events, just to name a few. 

You don’t have to have a lot of friends to start with; just one or two supportive people can make a huge difference. Be open to new opportunities and new environments. 

Develop self-care routines that will help you prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. This will help to create a peaceful environment for you and your children. Children watch everything that we do, and who knows? Your child might start taking on the same self-care routines that they see you doing.

Keeping toxic friends around can come at a cost. It can negatively affect your self-esteem, it can model unhealthy relationships for your children, and it can leave you emotionally burnt out. Recognizing toxic behaviors in your friends is the first step to dealing with them.

You deserve to be respected, happy, and engaged in supportive friendships. Protect your peace and your child’s peace. 

What are your experiences with toxic friends? Did they affect your mental health in any way?