How to Change Negative Self-Talk and Move Forward

Negative self-talk can really get in the way of us being our greatest selves. No matter what, do you feel like you are never satisfied or proud of yourself? Do you have constant negative thoughts that don’t seem to go away? There are many people who feel this way and have described it as they can’t get out of their own heads. 

You may have heard of these negative thoughts being named as negative self-talk, inner critic, or your old stories. These “old stories” come from past experiences. Maybe you were in a bad relationship, and you were told you weren’t good enough, or maybe you had negative childhood experiences, or maybe you were hurt in your past. All of these experiences get soaked up and absorbed by our minds and turn into negative thought forms that affect us throughout our lives. 

In this blog post, we will talk about how to change the way you talk to yourself and finally move forward.

Negative self-talk is a core belief about yourself that you have continued to believe for many years. These thoughts are stored in your subconscious mind, and they shape exactly how you think of yourself. 

Here are some examples of negative self-talk: 

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I always mess things up.”
• “My feelings don’t matter.”
• “I’m lazy.”
• “I’m a terrible mom.”
• “I’ll never succeed.”
• “This always happens to me. Nothing ever goes right.”
• “Why can’t I be like her?”
• “Everyone else has it together, and I don’t.”
• “If I fail, everything will fall apart.”

You get the point. They are the beliefs that you tell yourself because you believe they are true, and no matter what you do, it’s hard to let go of these thoughts. 

But here’s the good thing: these are just beliefs, not facts, and you can always change how you feel about yourself and how you talk to yourself. 

The old stories that we tell ourselves can impact our lives in so many ways. It can affect how we feel, it can affect major decisions that we have to make, it can affect our ability to maintain healthy relationships, and it can also affect our habits as it relates to our health. 

We see this all the time, but don’t realise that our old stories can affect us this much. You see it in relationships when people stay in toxic situations because deep down, they don’t believe they deserve better. We see it in work situations where some people avoid new and better opportunities because they are scared they will fail, or they are just comfortable in their current position. Or that person who wants to lose weight but tells themselves that it’s too hard, or healthy food is expensive, and never takes action.

No matter what, negative self-talk can impact pretty much every part of your life. 

Moreover, they can keep you feeling stuck in life, and they can cause you to self- sabotage. In fact, it has been concluded that self-criticism is closely connected to depression, PTSD, and social anxiety. 

Given how much negative self-talk can negatively affect our lives, we can see why getting rid of it would be ideal. 

When we want to change anything in our lives, we have to be aware of what we want to change. When you are not self-aware, you can become your own worst enemy. What do I mean by that? When you are not self-aware, you often don’t see yourself as the problem. It’s always someone else’s fault or your circumstances. 

Self-awareness is the first step. It allows you to look at yourself in the mirror and see what you can improve on. 

I’m a big advocate for writing stuff down. When you feel triggered or feel negative emotions, write them down. Really listen to yourself. Notice the times that you feel stressed or overly critical of yourself. Don’t judge yourself; this is just the time to observe and feel. 

Being aware of these feelings is going to help us with the next step. 

Now that we are aware of our old stories, we need to rewrite them. 

How do we do that? Understand that trying to force them out of our heads doesn’t really work. We have to replace them with positive stories and really get to the root cause. 

I’m going to share with you some of the mind exercises that worked for me. 

The first one is rejecting a thought. When you feel yourself speaking negatively about yourself, immediately say aloud, “I reject that thought,” and immediately replace that thought with a positive one. This exercise can seem kind of silly, but I promise you it works. This is an exercise that takes practice to master, but it’s absolutely worth it. This is a brain exercise that will help you take control of your mind. 

Another one is using visualization. This is when you picture a positive image in your mind over and over again so that your subconscious mind will pick it up. Eventually, when you continue to visualise this positive image, you will slowly start to notice the negative ones fade away. 

Another method that I find extremely helpful is journaling. Journaling allows you to get in your head, identify any toxic patterns, understand where they came from, and it helps you clean them out. Do you need an expensive journal to do this? Absolutely not. You just have to be willing to ask yourself the tough questions. 

If you feel stuck on this part, here are some journal prompts to get you started: 

• What recurring thoughts or phrases do I say to myself when I make a mistake?
• When did I last feel upset or frustrated with myself? What was I thinking at that moment?
• How often do these thoughts repeat in a week? Are there patterns tied to specific events or moods?
• How can I rephrase this negative thought into a supportive, realistic one?
• What small step could I take to prove this thought wrong?
• What are 3 things I did well today, no matter how small?

It happens to the best of us. Where doubt and fear begin to creep in again. The good news is that you now know what to do about it. Go through the steps again. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself and then rewrite them. Also, you can incorporate very simple daily practices that can help, like saying affirmations in the morning, taking deep breaths, meditating, journaling, and practicing gratitude. 

Negative self-talk can take a toll on your life. It affects almost every area of your life, and it can leave you feeling hopeless and sad. Overcoming negative self-talk is a process, but it starts with being aware of it and the willingness to change it. Practicing the brain exercises mentioned in this post is a great start. Remember to be consistent and be patient with yourself during this process.