Many of us want to move on and want to really feel happy. But we continue to repeat our past mistakes and repeat old patterns that keep us stuck. Sometimes we may have past traumas and experiences, as well as the fact that we can get into our own heads or make excuses for the reasons why we cannot move forward.
Many of us cling to the past versions of ourselves, old identities, and expectations that we have set for ourselves. Or sometimes we may feel comfortable with our normal routines, regret, shame, fear of uncertainty, or emotional attachments to memories.
When you choose to let go of the old you, you’re not forgetting about or erasing your past; you are freeing yourself from it and opening yourself up to a better future.
In this blog post, we will talk about just that.
Understanding Why We Hold On to the Past
Identity becomes part of survival, such as roles as a parent, professional, student, teacher, etc., and when we go through a shift, we can feel like we are losing ourselves. We may have emotional attachments to certain things that make us regret our mistakes or missed opportunities. In addition to the fact that our past self holds past memories and experiences.
When we try to change, we may get hit with the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. Not to mention societal and other external expectations that are put on us.
Accept That Change Is a Natural Part of Life
Change is something we all have to go through, starting as kids and going through every stage of life. I understand that change can be scary and hard for some people, but it’s necessary.
Who I was when I was 25 (10 years old) was a completely different person from who I am now. We are not meant to be the same person forever. As we get older and wiser, we go through life experiences; we may change our values and beliefs, and our priorities begin to change.
Growth often requires some level of discomfort. I get it. Who wants to be uncomfortable? But the reality is it’s necessary. I think a lot of us can agree that life can be hard, but in my opinion, staying stuck can be harder.
To let go of who you used to be and move forward, you have to have an open mind. Understand that things change, like relationships, your identity, goals, and careers.
Accepting change will help you move into a better version of yourself and become someone new.
Grieve the Person You Used to Be
When you decide to let go of the person that you used to be, this may cause some grief. You may be holding onto who you used to be, which could be tied to experiences, even positive changes. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and understand that your feelings are valid. Maybe you feel anger, sadness, or disappointment. Whatever you are feeling allow those feelings to flow through you and pass.
During this process, be patient with yourself and give yourself grace. Try to avoid rushing the process and suppressing any emotions. If you release emotions, it will be easier for you to invite other favorable feelings.
Here are a few exercises to help you:
- Write a letter to your past self. Acknowledge what you loved about that version, what you struggled with, and what you are ready to let go of.
- Inner Dialogue: Imagine a conversation between your old self and your current self. Let the old self speak first—share fears, regrets, habits, or what it misses. Let the current self respond with understanding, compassion, and acknowledgment of growth.
- Journaling: Make two columns: “Old Me” and “New Me.” List traits, beliefs, and habits under each. Reflect on how the old self served you and why it’s okay to evolve.
Redefine Who You Are Now
This is going to require a mindset shift. Maybe the old you had a mindset focused on lack or loss, but the new you is now focusing on gain and abundance. Allow yourself to release any guilt or shame that you have and forgive yourself for any guilt that you are holding onto.
When you are redefining who you are, this requires a level of self-awareness. Why? Because you cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.
Ask yourself new questions:
- What matters to me now?
- What kind of life do I want?
- What are some strengths that I have that I would like to build up?
- Which parts of my old self feel authentic, and which feel outdated?
Understand that your values may have changed. Why? Because as we mentally grow, our values change. The things that were important to us before are probably not going to be as important moving forward. Give yourself permission to move into the person that you truly want to be and allow yourself to outgrow old goals and dreams that no longer serve you.
Let Go of External Expectations
As you grow as a person, you’re going to notice something about the people that you hang around and your environment. Some people may begin to resist your growth, and you may not have much in common with them anymore. In other words, you begin to outgrow your circle.
Is this a bad thing? Not at all, depending on the type of people you used to hang around.
People may have their definitions of you and may try to subconsciously pull you back where you used to be. This is especially true with toxic family and friends. They may try to manipulate, control, gaslight, and bring drama to your life that you are trying to escape from. These people are a disruption to your life. Because of this, you may want to consider limiting contact with them, or if they are family members and you don’t want to cut them off completely, learn how to deal with toxic family members and protect your peace.
Another thing that I wanted to mention is to release societal pressure, including how you approach the use of social media. Let me explain. Social media, depending on who you ask, can be a good and bad thing. If you are using it and consuming a lot of negative content on it, then eventually it’s going to negatively affect your mind. Try setting digital boundaries when it comes to social media.
Take Small Actions Toward Your New Life
Change your environment. There are alot of things that you can do to change your environment. Here are just a few:
- Declutter your space
- Organize your house
- Move to a new city
- Do a digital detox
- Engage in self-care routines daily
- Listen to an uplifting podcast
- Say affirmations
- Change how you spend your free time
- Adopt new hobbies and habits
Build new habits aligned with your current goals. This is a big one. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but building new habits that align with your current goals will make all the difference in you reaching those goals. When you develop new habits and you’re consistent with them, then you begin to reinforce your new identity. You begin to train your mind on the outcome that you are looking for, and your mind will begin to work with you as opposed to against you.
Try new experiences. This can look like traveling or engaging in new activities. It can be whatever you want it to be. When you try new experiences, you’re opening your mind to new possibilities. You are allowing this positive change to happen in your life while releasing old patterns. It also allows you to get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to new social circles.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Being around supportive people can make all of the difference in how you feel about yourself and whether or not you reach your goals. Being around supportive people can help reshape your mindset.
Be Patient With Yourself During the Transition
Growth takes time and it is gradual. Growth is an intentional choice that you make to better yourself. Try not to rush this process and try to focus on healing and process whether than regression.
Will you have bad days? Most likely, yes. But trying to move look ahead as much as possible will help yield better results.
During this process, you will be learning how to trust yourself fully (if you haven’t already) which will help in your confidence and decision-making.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Person You Are Becoming
Embrace the person that you are becoming and take it one day at a time. Try to change your environment and surround yourself with supportive people. Be patient with yourself during this process and learn to forgive.
Take a small step today: write down one thing about your past self that you want to release and something that you are grateful for.
Share it in the comments.
