Many of us know all too well what it feels like to be mentally tired and burnt out. Feeling overwhelmed day in and day out and feeling like you just can’t catch a break. When you feel like this, it can be super easy to neglect yourself, and eventually, the love you once had for yourself begins to fade away.
Even though it can be hard to love yourself when you have a lot going on, you still have to find a way to love yourself and care for yourself.
We will talk about small doable steps to help you start loving yourself when you’re barely holding it together.
Step 1: Stop Demanding More From Yourself
As women, we can be hard on ourselves sometimes. We can set very high expectations for ourselves and demand a lot from ourselves. What this does is it almost guarantees burnout and mental exhaustion. It’s okay to let go of the pressure that you have placed on yourself.
Figure out the areas in your life where you are pushing yourself beyond your limits. Are you saying yes a lot and neglecting your priorities? Are you continuing to support other people who drain your energy? Or maybe you are afraid to take that sick day because you don’t want to let anyone down.
In order to stop demanding more from ourselves, we have to change the way we think. Replace “I should be doing more right now ” with “This is enough for today.”
Create a short list of the things that absolutely have to get done today. Once you finish that list, be finished and do a self-care activity, even if it’s for 10 minutes. Understand that sometimes, everything may not get done. Ask yourself, what can wait?
Step 2: Change the Way You Talk to Yourself
Believe it or not, but the way we talk to ourselves says a lot about how we feel about ourselves. The words that we say to ourselves come from our core beliefs.
Are there any thoughts that you say to yourself that can destroy your confidence? These can be things like “I shouldn’t feel this way, I need to lose weight, I look terrible today, etc. “
Work on not judging yourself so much and reframe the way you talk to yourself. Say things like, I’m struggling right now, but I’m not failing as a person. Consistency matters more than perfection, or being kind to myself will help me do better, not worse.”Give yourself a little grace.
Step 3: Take Care of Your Body in the Simplest Ways Possible
When you begin to take care of your body, you will begin to feel better in ways that you wouldn’t imagine. You don’t have to make huge changes right away; you just have to start.
Start with the basics by getting enough sleep. Maybe you usually go to sleep super late. Pick 2-3 nights out of the week and go to bed early at first. Your body goes through a lot of healing while you sleep.
Slowly start eating healthy. This doesn’t have to all be at once, but maybe you can make meals at home. If you are already making meals at home, eat whole foods (foods that don’t come in a box) and fill your plate with vegetables and healthy protein. Your body will love you for this.
Drink enough water. Maybe you love soda and juices. Start by telling yourself 2-3 days out of the week, I’m not going to drink any sodas or store-bought juices.
Last but not least, get some type of movement every day. Maybe you enjoy a fun Zumba workout, walking in nature, or a cardio workout. Whatever your favorite form of movement is, make a conscious effort to carve out time every day for it.
Step 4: Simplify Your Life Wherever You Can
Let’s start by stopping overthinking. Overthinking comes from not having trust in yourself. For starters, learn how to process your emotions. Ask yourself questions like, what do I need most right now? Is there something that I need to let go of, and what is one small thing that can bring me relief?
Another way to simplify your life is to lower your daily expectations. Again, have a short list of what needs to get done today, and once that list is finished, call it quits for the day. Start saying to yourself, I’ll meet myself where I am today.”
Let go of unnecessary commitments. Have you committed to something when your plate is already full? Are you attending gatherings or events out of guilt? Or are you being too available in that relationship? Whatever it is, cancel it and release the unneeded weight off your chest.
Also, ask for help when you need it. We all need help at some point. Understand that you can’t do it all, and it’s okay to ask for help.
Step 5: Create Healthy Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
Having healthy boundaries for yourself is an act of self-love. It teaches other people how to treat you and increases the chances of you gaining respect from other people. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it means that you love yourself and you respect yourself.
If you are someone who is over-giving or you find yourself over-explaining yourself to other people, then this can be a sign that you need to work on your boundaries.
Start with one small boundary and stick to it, like letting someone know that you aren’t available after a certain time. Of course, there are many boundaries you can start with. The most important thing is to be consistent with people, because they will try to push your limits.
It’s okay to say no without feeling guilty. It may be uncomfortable at first, but remind yourself that setting healthy boundaries is critical for loving yourself.
Step 6: Build Small Moments where you feel Emotionally Safe
When you feel anxious or don’t feel safe, take a moment and take deep breaths. Allow your feelings to flow, but understand that your feelings are temporary. Taking small moments to feel safe emotionally will also teach you how to be grounded within yourself.
When you are around other people, especially those close to you, sometimes emotions can get heated. Being grounded is the real test of whether you react or respond to other people’s emotions. Check in with your emotions and don’t suppress them.
Step 7: Reconnect With Yourself Gently
Reconnect with yourself. This will help you think clearly, become more self-aware, and create balance within yourself. Understand what you need and give it to yourself. Whether it’s physical or emotional needs. One of my personal favorites is journaling. You don’t need an expensive or fancy journal to do this, just a piece of paper. Here are some journal prompts to get you started:
- What sensations do I notice when I breathe deeply or stretch?
- What activities make me feel truly like myself?
- What lessons have I learned about myself recently?
- How have I changed in the past year, and what does that tell me about myself?
- What do I need today to feel safe, supported, or nourished?
Allow room for growth and change, even if it feels uncertain.
Step 8: Choose Yourself in One Small Way Each Day
I always advocate for self-care. Choose one small way to choose yourself every day.
There are so many options to choose from. For starters, maybe you have a new hobby you want to try, spend some time by yourself, or celebrate one small win.
You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself. The key here is to make progress with yourself.
Step 9: Limit Toxic Inputs
This includes possibly cutting down on social media. Depending on how you use it, social media can be very toxic to our minds. It can cause us to compare ourselves to our favorite influencers and make us feel like we are behind in life.
Being around negative and toxic people can drain your energy and bring down your spirits. When you are going through the process of learning to love yourself, being around these types of people can destroy your confidence and self-esteem.
Step 10: Set Tiny, Achievable Goals
Set goals for yourself, even if they are small. Write down your goals and write down actionable steps on how you will get there.
Every day, do something that will help you move closer to your goals.
This could stem from past experiences or childhood trauma. Learned behaviors and consistent negative talk.Only you know if professional help is needed.
Closing Thoughts
This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but doing these steps over time will help you develop love for yourself. Be patient and gentle with yourself through this process.
Appreciate yourself and surround yourself with supportive people and people who love you.
Give yourself time.
What’s one small thing you can do for yourself today to show yourself the love you deserve?
