Sometimes we feel that life is just kicking us down at every turn. Living in survival mode, always stressed, and feeling disconnected from yourself. Maybe you are always looking for other people’s validation and relying heavily on their opinions. You are not alone. I used to feel this way all the time, and I’m sure many other people feel this way also.
I don’t have all of the answers, but I am going to share with you what I did to find myself.
What It Feels Like to Lose Yourself
Imagine getting in a car with no GPS or other directions. You just keep driving and notice that the vehicle is running low on gas. Shortly after, you put a little bit of gas in it, but it runs out again. You put a little more gas in it, and eventually the gas runs out, and you end up on the side of the road.
There was no plan. You were just driving along with no destination, and at the end, you felt frustrated on the side of the road looking for help.
In a nutshell, this is what feeling lost in life looks like. Relying on other people’s opinions of us, lacking confidence, having no goals, not knowing where we are going in life, and taking care of others.
Why Life Feels Overwhelming?
Why life can feel overwhelming is most likely going to be different from person to person. But here are some of the reasons why I felt this way:
- Taking on too many responsibilities– having too much on your plate can make you eventually live in survival mode. I know as a mother, it is so easy to take on a lot of tasks and responsibilities day in and day out to the point where you are just mentally exhausted. Or maybe you put in so many hours at a job that you don’t like, and you don’t have any time to enjoy the money that you are making. Taking on too many responsibilities is a quick way to feel drained.
- Not enough time for yourself– sometimes we stretch ourselves too thin and care for everyone else while we give ourselves the scraps. When we treat ourselves like this, then we can’t expect much in return. Our mental and physical health will begin to suffer, and it becomes a domino effect. Look at it this way, if you don’t take time for yourself and to take care of yourself, then do you feel like you would be in a good position to take care of others?
- You are carrying emotional weight that you haven’t processed– this is a big one. We all have life experiences that weren’t always positive, and some of us carry trauma that we never dealt with. Maybe these experiences come from childhood or from a bad relationship. Studies have shown that unresolved trauma is linked to chronic dysregulation of stress hormones, which can wear down the cardiovascular, endocrine, digestive, and immune systems.
- Saying yes when you really want to say no– I talk about this a lot because having healthy boundaries is a key to happiness. There is only so much time in a day, and when you say yes to everyone, that leaves very little room for you to say yes to yourself. When you say yes a lot, this pulls you in many different directions and makes it hard for you to focus on yourself. If you are concerned that you say yes too much, take the boundaries quiz and see where you stand.
A Reminder You Need to Hear
Understand that you are not broken, and just because you are feeling lost doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it just means that you have been in survival mode for way too long.
Here are Small Ways to Start Finding Yourself
- Slow down– we live in a society where we are always moving and always have to get things done. Sometimes we need to just slow down and take a few minutes for ourselves. This can look different for different people. Maybe you want to take a walk in nature, read a book, do yoga, or meditate. Whatever that quiet time looks like for you, dedicate some every day to make that happen for yourself. Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.
- Be aware of what drains you vs what brings you peace. Sit down and write down the things that drain your energy and the things that bring you peace. When you see it written down on a piece a paper, it may shock you by the amount of habits that we all do on a day-to-day basis that make us feel drained. Writing it down forces you to think about it, which is a good thing because we cannot change what we are not aware of.
- Check in with yourself- acknowledge how you are feeling when you feel overwhelmed or stressed. Ask yourself questions like, How am I feeling right now, Why do I feel like this, and What do I need right now?”
- Practice setting healthy boundaries– saying no is essential to gain respect from other people and also yourself. It makes you a happier person when people know that they cannot cross certain lines with you. When you have healthy boundaries, you have a stronger sense of yourself. You are also more likely to avoid burnout, and you eliminate gray areas with other people. Permit yourself to say no.
- Figure out what it is you want out of life. I understand sometimes we don’t know what we want, but having an idea is helpful. Do you want to be in a healthy relationship? Is it that you just want to be in good health and inner peace? Do you want to create meaningful memories with your family? Or do you want financial freedom? Write it down and create steps on how you will get there. See, sometimes we just need to have directions that we can follow to help us. Picture your ideal life and write down how you will get there.
- Journal- Journaling is a great tool for understanding why you feel a certain way. It allows you to look within yourself for the answers. It also helps you to get rid of any clutter in your mind. Many times, we tend to look for other people to give us the answers when we have the answers within ourselves. Journaling encourages self-growth and self-awareness, which is critical for changing the way you think and ultimately your life. Get a piece a paper and answer some of these journal prompts:
- “Lately, I’ve been feeling…”
- “I feel most like myself when…”
- What parts of myself have I been shrinking or hiding?
- Are there any emotions that I have been avoiding or pushing aside? If so, what are they?
- What do I want more of in my life?
- If I had to describe what healing looked like for me, what would it be?
- Reconnect with your body- when you are consistently in a state of stress and always feeling overwhelmed, it may cause you to become disconnected from your body. There are many ways to reconnect with your body. Some examples are practicing meditation, going on a solo walk in nature, deep breathing, engaging in some type of movement, and getting good quality sleep. When you begin to reconnect with your body, you may begin to feel calmer and more at peace. You will begin to easily recognize your needs, and you will ensure to honor them. Another thing that may happen when you start to reconnect with your body is that you will begin to pay attention to what drains you and what gives you peace. You will actively choose to engage in things that protect your peace.
Finding yourself means reconnecting with who you are, your morals and values, and understanding your expectations and regulating your emotions.
There’s no set time. It really just depends on you. The more honest you are with yourself, the more you work on yourself, and the more time you put into understanding what you want, the faster it will happen.
It’s okay to not know what you want. Not knowing can be a part of the process. Take one small step at a time. Understand what makes you feel at peace and what drains your energy.
Only you know if therapy is right for you. If you feel that you have deep issues that you cannot get through on your own, therapy may be a good option for you. But to find yourself, you do not need therapy for that.
Closing reminders:
You’re allowed to take time for yourself. Learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself. Write down what you envision for yourself and take small steps every day to reach that goal.
What’s one small step you can take today to reconnect with yourself?
